Coffee-Flavored Milkshakes

Venti, half-caf, triple-shot, caramel, mocha, soy, no foam, extra whip, extra hot, upside-down, caramel drizzle, with seven pumps of caramel syrup and seven pumps of mocha syrup, double-blended Frappuccino. No, I have personally never heard this order, but it was one of the longest coffee orders I could find via the Internet. Or was it? You see, to me that does not seem like a coffee order. In fact, if I was to actually do the math on that order, I would probably find coffee at the lowest percentage in the mix. I argue that this is a very complicated milkshake with some coffee as an ingredient. Now, do I think that anything more than black coffee is not coffee. No. However, I do believe there is a scale of coffee to something else and, at some point we have to quit lying to ourselves and just admit that our morning cup of joe is a full-on dessert and not a coffee drink. There is nothing wrong with that. In a world of free will, it is our choice to have dessert anytime we please, and as long as we are footing the bill for this so called “coffee” we can make as much of a milkshake as we want without any repercussion. Although, on the other hand, maybe stop boasting about how much of a coffee drinker you are when your morning drink order has coffee as the last and least ingredient. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.