Being Undead Could Be Fun

Resident Evil, The Last of Us, The Walking Dead, Night of the Living Dead. These are just some of the pop culture references to zombies that we see, but what if these video games, TV shows, and movies are indeed our future? I am not talking about the slavery aspects of zombie media, which is definitely a topic for a future ramble, but, more specifically, the aspect of the day we figure out how to keep our bodies moving after we “pass on.” Imagine a world where no one actually dies. Instead, they become a zombie and continue to do things. Hopefully they would also continue to have brain function and we just don’t add more numbers to the brain-dead twits of the world. But even if they didn’t, at least we might be able to use them in some way instead of just filling up empty plots in a grassy field. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it would ever result in a Warm Bodies scenario where a relatively attractive actress brings back our humanity, but we could at least probably get to a DCOM area where as long as our lime-green Jello hair didn’t freak them out, we could at least coexist with cheerleaders. We would just have to curve our craving for brains and control our rotting parts. Maybe the invention of Impossible Brains is also our future. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.

Talking Sexy...With Your Kids???

It is the most awkward time of a teenager’s life. They have out of control acne, their bodies are changing, and their parents want to talk about the birds and the bees. Or do they? For some parents this is not the routine. They assume their kids will just learn it as they go. Point blank, that is a horrible idea. The media and other easily acquired sources are not the right place to learn anything about sex. It overcomplicates a process that is relatively simple and completely natural for every human to experience or at least be curious about sometime in their life. The best thing to do as a parent is to get ahead of it so that your child is informed enough to make responsible decisions. So what age is appropriate to begin the learning process. The truth is you just have to know your own kid, because every brain is different and every child handles information at a different pace. (It is not always the girls that mature faster.) However, if your child is asking questions, then maybe it is time to start giving some answers. I mean be realistic. There is no good reason why you have to get into gory details with your second-grader, just the basic facts are okay. It is also okay, if your child is asking where babies come from at a young age, to tell the little white lie of the stork. However, if your young one is headed off to college and they still think that every new mom got a delivery from a long-beaked bird, then maybe it’s time to sit them down. Also, if by the time your child is 14 or 15 they have not asked any questions, it might pay you to ask them a few questions. Because knowing what they know might help you start an open conversation about the ins-and-outs. As I said it is not going to be a comfortable conversation for either party, but what is more uncomfortable: a lengthy conversation about how a male’s and female’s parts work or having to admit that you became a grandparent at the ripe old age of 34. It will also be pretty embarrassing when you kid comes to you in tears because their partner broke up with them because they tried to stick it in an ear. For me the choice is a pretty easy one to make and I hope that all the parents out there make the right one. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.

The $1 Rule

Charity is defined as the voluntary giving of help, typically in the form of money, to those in need. Now we all hear about the “volunteer your time” side of this, where a person or persons go and give their time to complete a task or fix a problem. What you don’t hear much of is the money charity, unless its on some primetime crime show where the money is laundered in some way. There are few though who give to a big organization a couple of times a year, like the Salvation Army at Christmas, and then it is forgotten about. However, what if it was as simple as donating $1 every day to something? In fact, what if it was a rule that every day $1 had to be given in charity? Before everyone overreacts about who could even afford $1 in today’s economy, I want to point out that it is 1 dollar bill. It is not that much in today’s spectrum of money. No matter who you are, rich or poor, most everyone can afford a dollar. Even homeless people that don’t have two nickels to their name could scrounge up a dollar in change per day. So, who does the money go to? The answer: anyone or anything, as long as you are giving. Donate it to non-profits like the Salvation Army or St. Jude’s or some celebrity’s charity. Give it to your parents for all the money they spent on you. Give it to the homeless people thereby replacing their given dollar. I would even say, give it to that one friend who is always asking for a dollar. As long as you give every day, you’re good. The caveat to donating this dollar is that it is a true donation. You don’t want it paid back, nor do you ask for any form of restitution. It is a dollar that you are parting with as if you are buying something. By this point most of you think I am crazy, but I have to reiterate that $1 is absolutely feasible for everyone. Could we skip buying that $7 Starbucks one time? Sure we could. That is an entire week’s worth of donations taken care of. Could you save the change from other purchases in a jar? Probably. Then after a few days or weeks you would have an extra dollar to cover that particular day. I bet every stay-at-home parent in the world could find $1 a day just cleaning out the sofa, emptying the dryer, and looking in an old jacket they haven’t worn in six months. The end result of all this is that people learn to give. Hoarding money never solved problems. It is when we open our checkbooks and give to those less fortunate that we realize how far $1 can really go. If everyone, rich or poor, was donating their dollars every day, then the money would begin to flow. Non-profits would have more of what they need, those wonderful homeless people who have been giving their dollars might get better shelter, or other help they need, and everyone would start to learn the meaning of charity. And with 8.1 billion people on this rock of ours, that is quite a chunk of change to use for better purposes. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.

Rated "U" for Unnecessary

We’ve all been there. You’re about 15 years old sitting around the television watching a good movie with your parents. Then all of a sudden there are half nude people on your screen doing stuff that would make even the crudest of people blush. Now, be honest, you know what they’re doing, you know your parents know what they’re doing, but you don’t want your parents to know you know what they are doing. What if I told you that that scenario does not have to happen. What I am saying is sex in film media is completely unnecessary. For one, it does not move the story along. A piece of dialogue that explains that to people “hooked up” could easily get the point across. Second, while it looks like the two, or more, actors are having fun, it is actually quite the opposite. They are partially exposing themselves to all the people in the room. The director, the cameraperson, and even other actors who are just waiting for their scene to begin are all watching. Many studios even hire intimacy coordinators just so sex scenes are done appropriately. Lastly, there are many occasions where the actors are both in solid relationships with a significant other. Somewhere in their brains it has to feel like cheating. So why then are these “hot” moments a part of the movies and television we watch every day. Why must we be subjected to that inevitable scene where the guy rolls off of the top of the girl, sweaty and panting, and they both say how good it was. The main reason is the old adage of “sex sells.” Because for as many people who just want to watch a good movie, there are twice as many people who like to think that they may get to see one character or another without their pants on. Sadly, Hollywood leaned into this in the late 60s and early 70s and the only direction to go when you are already touching bottoms is up. So, the scenes became more and more intense, which only added to that populous of people who wanted to see them. Now I am not saying that characters should never be intimate. Certainly, going back to the days of spouses sleeping in separate beds is beyond us and, honestly, it is kind of wholesome when, at the end of an episode of shenanigans, two people can still climb into bed together and sleep snuggly. Maybe with enough protest from the awkward teens covering their eyes around their parents we can get to a middle-ground between the covers moving like a wild animal is trapped in them and the couple’s cold nights spent in their own beds. My preference is a good foot rub and some slight snogging. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.

Intriguing Internet

The other day I was having internet trouble so I called the company for assistance. Now I won’t disclose the company name but it does rhyme with rectum. Anyway, it turned out that my modem was dying so they would have to send a new one. When the equipment arrived, I tried to follow the installation instructions, to no avail, and had to call them again. They ended up having to do a full system reboot of my internet which meant shutting off my internet and having me reinstall the hardware. This was an incredibly easy process, all of which they could see happening on their end. This was very intriguing to me. Not only could they shut down my internet with a snap of their fingers, but they could also tell when my modem was hooked up. Now the local internet office is probably only 30 miles away, but this call center that answered my call was probably more like 3000 miles away. By the way, I know it was a call center because I have worked at one, and I could hear other service workers in the background. I find it just a little creepy to know that a guy or gal 3000 miles away can actively see my internet connection and screw with it if they choose. Now I’m not a conspiracy theorist that believes our Alexas are spying on us, but it is odd that thought is even feasible in our minds much less be even remotely possible. Anyway, my internet is fixed and I can continue doing this and hopefully that person in charge of spying on me has a good time reading the pre-edit version of my rambles. The truth is out there. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.