I Don't Have an Accent, You Do

“I’m sorry, I cannot understand you through your thick accent.” It is something I have heard my entire life from different people I have met. The only problem is, where I am from, everyone can understand me perfectly. When I ask for a glass of water at a local establishment, I am never questioned about what “wadder” is from the waiter. When I talk about one subject or another – usually rambling – everyone understands and is able to converse back because we don’t actually have accents. What people hear as accents is the cadence of speaking that a particular region has. We hear that way of speaking and then develop our speech with what we have already heard previously. It is the same concept as someone who has only read a word and never actually heard it spoken. They mispronounce the word because they have never actually heard it said out loud before. Words like Linux or acai come to mind. Your parents say words a certain way and then you say those words the same way because it is all you have ever heard. Oftentimes you will find people with more muddled accents when their households contain more than one nationality of people. That person hears their grandparent’s foreign accent, one of their parent’s more Americanized accent, and then their other parent’s fully Americanized accent. This person will then not be so influenced by one sound or the other. They sound “normal” and everyone only hears slight variations in their speech. And don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that hearing an accent is a bad thing. If the person you are talking to asks where you are from because they heard an accent, it is a conversation starter and can help connect more people. The problem arises when derision is in the listener’s voice. It always tickles my ribs when I hear someone poke fun at someone else’s accent because even when the accent is really noticeable like someone from Australia or Ireland, they are just talking in the manner they know to talk. In fact, it is kind of dumb to make fun of anyone’s “accent” because if the person poking fun was in the accented person’s home country or home region, that person wouldn’t be laughing when they were the one with the accent. I bet they would really enjoy their glass of water with that extra hard “T” if they were the butt of the joke. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.

Color Pencils Cost How Much?

It’s back-to-school time again and you know what that means. It is time to burn money on school supplies as a price for getting rid of your kids for 7 hours a day. However, I don’t think this has to be the case and, with the right attitudes, we can all get through this shopping spree with intact wallets. The best way to address this is by focusing individually on each group involved. So that is exactly what I am going to do.

First the teachers. Ladies and gentlemen of the education professions, can we please shorten that list of back-to-school supplies “needed” for the classroom. Be honest, does each child need to bring 3 packs of crayons and 8 reams of paper. How about you sit down and really break down exactly what you need for a school year to go relatively smoothly and give that list to the parents. It has to be remembered that the original teachers had one blackboard and a piece of chalk and they did just fine.

Second, the parents. Laymen and laywomen can we please stop with the overspending on your kids. I know they are precious to you and I know that you want the best for them, but they do not need 128 Crayola color pencils and Gucci pants. A nice 12 pack of RoseArt and a pair of Levi’s will suffice. Back-to-school time for me meant the absolute necessities that I did not already have for school supplies and 2 new outfits. At least until I got old enough to buy my own stuff, but that is a different ramble. Oh, and, yes, recycling the school supplies was a big goal every year. If there was a half-used notebook at the end of one year, then the other half got used the next year. I would just buy replacement lead for the mechanical pencils instead of a new pack. Also, you would not believe how much school supplies are thrown away at the end of every year by the students. Tell your child to be on the lookout for locker cleanout day and be the trash collector. You will never buy school supplies again.

Lastly the children. Wonderful children of the world hear me. I know that childhood can be difficult and I know that new things are nice. However, you need to know that your parents are not made of money and you are a great help when you are not so needy. By the time you folks are 10 or 12, you should be making every effort to make your parents lives easier when back-to-school time comes. Your parents will appreciate it and you will become a more independent individual if you start finding creative ways to save a little dough at back-to-school time. Maybe skip out on that fancy Spider-man pencil case or that Barbie-Core backpack and get the plain Jane ones instead.

Overall, back-to-school does not have to be a massive money pit. It can, with a little effort and some ingenuity, be a simple and cost-effective process that still allows for learning to occur. Because that is the point of back-to-school. You know, to go back to school. Most cities offer it for free after all. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.

I Don't Read, But My Eyes Still Work

I think in the modern age there is one thing that everyone can agree on – books are dead. Amongst all the arguing and fighting going on in the world, most people agree that it is so much easier to just watch the movie. I mean so what if Hestor Prynne never takes a bath in the book and so what if Forrest Gump was actually a fowl-mouthed, cynical piece of work. Demi Moore and Tom Hanks play the characters better anyway. If ever a book report is needed to be written, I am sure the teacher didn’t read the book either so for all they know your report on how short of a book The Hobbit is will probably go unnoticed. All of this to say, that people in the modern age are WRONG. Books are great and it is not that difficult to find them if you want them. I cannot tell you how many movies omit so many neat little details that the book fully explains and actually helps to make sense for later parts of the story. I was so disappointed when I actually borrowed and read Eragon. The movie is not even related to the book. It has similar character names and I do love Jeremy Irons as an actor, but it is not the same story. I have no problem with someone getting the gist of a story from a movie, but it should definitely be on a bucket list to read the actual book before making any judgements on a story that you have seen in films. To all my reading impaired friends out there, don’t give up hope. There are many audio recordings out there with one large company in particular coming to mind. Also, to all of my Harry Potter fanatics out there, just know that if you thought the movies were good, the extra little details in the books will only make you love the characters more. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.

I'm Working Out My Stress

It is the first of the month and most of the working force knows what that means: a stressful work environment where everyone is running around like chickens without their heads and it is complete anarchy and chaos all day long as you try to meet the needs of all the customers. When I worked 9-5 it always amazed me how only a day before, the customer base was like a desolate wasteland with hardly a person to be seen and then day one of the month hits and it is green flag racing on the Autobahn. You hardly have time to get a sip of water, much less actually get anything accomplished. This stress-filled day was always topped off with a good glass of wine and an early night because of exhaustion. However, for some, these days do not just happen on the first of the month. There are a few throughout a month and many all year, which is why it blows my mind when I see higher-ups in high stress jobs be jerks to the people who are just trying to lighten the mood. I have literally seen bosses grind into their subordinates simply because they cracked a joke and got a few laughs. Take it from someone who was the funny guy all the time at different jobs, it helps to laugh on days when you just want to pull your hair out. In fact, you need to laugh sometimes at jobs like that so you don’t end up in the parking lot with a gun in your mouth. It certainly makes the day go by quicker when, even throughout the toughness of the job, someone walks through the bullpen wearing Groucho glasses and says something like, “I know, I know. My new glasses just aren’t working.” By the way feel free to use that one, just know that you may not have that job the next day. On the other hand, if you work in a place where absolutely no one finds that funny, maybe it is time to find a place of work where a good joke goes a long way. But that is just one man’s opinion. Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate it. See you next time.